Jane Eyre's Diary – A Romantic in a Modern World
by Swimming under water
Summary: Jane Eyre's Diary – A Romantic in a Modern World. Can I Live Without Him? Do I Want To? How would Jane's story unfold if she and Mr Rochester met today? What new obstacles would their relationship face? Does romance still last in a modern world? Told through Jane's diary as she shares her fears, challenges and hopes to find her true love.
1. Epilogue: New Start, New Me

**Jane Eyre's Diary – A Romantic in a Modern World**

**Can I Live Without Him? Do I Want To?**

Epilogue: New Start, New Me  
I guess that I was never much of a diary writer. I never had the patience to sit down and 'catalogue' my experiences without getting bored due to the lack of excitement in my life... or... regretting things...  
But that is in the past now. A past me. An ex-version of me. It's not like I'm going to use this as a medium to 'tell of my of my fame and pain'. I'm not a Kardashian! But since there have been so many changes lately, maybe writing down the madness of these last couple of months will help. And it might stop the nightmares. So here goes...


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

Dear Diary, Oh Diary that is mine, To the pieces of empty paper bound in a book,

I'm finding it a little easier to fake that things are okay in my little world. I was a little surprised when I found myself laughing honestly when I watched the boys learn football for the first time – using their hands to pass the ball most of the time. Also, I finally had a chance to have a proper chat with Rivers over lunch. This was without being swarmed by endless questions and pleas for more games or treats from the children. It was nice actually – having a long adult conversation again. I didn't know why he mentioned it but I'm sure he said that I was smiling more often. That sent shivers down my spine – and I wasn't too sure if I liked it or not. Not after...

I'm just hoping these nightmares stop soon cause the lack of proper sleep is making me a little cranky around the kids. Heaven knows after everything they have been through they don't need anything else upsetting them. A woman with giant bags under her eyes and lack of makeup would make any small child scared. Jaya mentioned today that I might be turning into a _poti_ or 'old female ghost'. Cheeky thing. Reminds me of...

This isn't working. I'm going to bed.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

Well book, the nightmares came again. I think I have another sleepless night ahead of me. I wonder if writing down what I dreamed might help. At least it will pass the time till the morning and I have to start doing chores.

It always starts with the smell of smoke. The sound of splinting timbers, the taste of ash, the heat on my face and bare arms. It is so real that my heart leaps into beating a million miles an hour. It even causes my eyes to water due to the heat, and I break out into chills. They are chills of panic. I run down the hallways and into burning rooms looking for everyone that is important to me. I can never find them. I just endlessly follow the screams and pleas of help that surround me. But they are never behind the doors I frantically open. And then I see it; the red door. That horrible chamber of punishment, guilt and regret. I can't stop myself from opening it, until...

Damn. How can this be helping? This is just me reliving all those memories that I have locked away.

Fine, time for happy thoughts. Men? They just cause trouble. I have had enough of that. Unicorns? What age am I? Will I start singing 'Sunshine, Lollypops and Rainbows' next? Oh... mint chocolate chip ice cream. The ones that are _really_ expensive because they are handmade at the fancy store. And the chocolate chips are large because they were originally mint slice chocolates that were crushed and mixed in. Served with the coloured little spoon that you keep so that when you buy the cheap tubs at the supermarket and eat it at home, you can pretend that they are the expensive kind. But they always came in a pair because he would buy one and...

Definitely time to start my chores now. Or lesson plans. Something to keep my mind occupied. Maybe this is all happening out of a chocolate crazed withdrawal delirium... Damn remote towns and the lack of chocolate and civilisation!


End file.
